The guy and I have been meeting for a couple of years, but for more than a year we have not seen each other because of the pandemic-we from different countries, talked in the video from the video. Now finally together. The problem is that when we find out the relationship, we quarrel or when I am jealous and I think that he does not love me, I begin to cry right in front of him.
This upset it, and I myself do not like it, because there can be no talk of any constructive conversation. I don’t want to roar every time, but I just can’t do anything about it. How to restrain emotions? How to understand why I am so upset? In other respects, I did not have such an emotional reaction.
Hope, as I understand it, is one of your problems in this situation is not tears, but your reaction to them. From the point of view of physiology, crying is a way of our body to get rid of stress. Another question is that, it seems, you are flooded with anxiety, which provokes violent emotional reactions. I will share with you some observations.
Firstly, it seems that you perceive your young man at the unconscious level of your young man as a “rescuer”
This means that, due to some events experienced in childhood, you feel unsafe, lonely, there is a lot of anxiety inside you. Having met with a sensitive man with empathy (and I am sure that your friend is like), all your pain began to go outside. From this and permanent tears.
The little girl inside suddenly felt hearing and began to give the signal “I’m here”. The previous men, apparently, did not have such sensitivity, so you did not cry so often, did not feel warm near them. Accordingly, this unconscious reaction cannot be stopped by rational control, and it is not necessary. It is important to understand exactly what trauma gives the signal.
Another moment. It seems that you are very worried about the possible rejection. Experiences about “do not love” and jealousy also reflect the inner sense of unsafe. This does not mean that you are wrong and your young man is perfect. But it seems that you permanent, every minute you need evidence of love and devotion.
Pandemia intensified the fear of loss, because you were in isolation from each other
The anxiety makes you even more dependent on the presence and guardianship of a man, makes you “small”. And the further, the stronger. The partner to such hidden control reacts with flight and guilt, which only fixes the vicious circle of your emotional instability. And again it is important to understand where the fear of being abandoned from what exactly in your children’s experience has triggered its appearance.
In addition, emotions manage a person if it is difficult for him to be aware of and pronounce them. For example, instead of the phrases “I’m sad now”, “insulting”, “I am angry” a sharp behavioral splash occurs. Perhaps you feel shame for your experiences or do not understand them, and an unconscious fantasy of the rescuer
, the guardian only adds to avoid your feelings – the other person should take care of your emotional state.
This feature is often associated with the accusation of a child of his feelings instead of expressing empathy and support
“Stop angry”, “do not disgrace”, “what are you whining” – such phrases from parents form shame and fear of experiences. Therefore, when you are faced with natural feelings, you perceive them as a symptom of something inadequate and even more panic instead of living.
I think the cause of tears lies in these aspects. To become more stable, it is necessary to understand the reasons for the fear of losing a partner and fear of your own emotions.